As we roll into the new year, many of us begin with ambitious resolutions. Yet, it’s not uncommon to stumble along the way. There’s no shortage of advice in blogs (including great ACT advice) on how to make resolutions stick: connect them to your values, take small incremental steps, use social support, avoid the trap of self-criticism, practice self-compassion, and so on.
These are powerful tools. I’ve written about many of them, and I’m heartened to see a growing emphasis on evidence-based approaches to goal-setting rather than relying on sheer willpower. But today, I want to explore something different—something I’ve found particularly helpful in my work and personal life when it comes to making resolutions more meaningful and achievable.
Let’s consider the power of examining the network of influences around your goal.
Step One: Start with Your Goal
Begin by writing down your resolution. What do you want to achieve? And, just as importantly, why does it matter to you? Make it specific and behavioral—something you do. For instance, instead of “get healthier,” try “exercise for 20 minutes three times a week.” Yes, start small. And yes, the more concrete and actionable, the better.
Step Two: Map the Influences Around Your Goal
Next, think about your own unique experiences and patterns. Think about YOU and what you life experience tells you. What helps you move toward your goal? What hinders it? Write down at least two or three of each. For example:
- Helpful influences: Setting a gym date with a friend, laying out workout clothes the night before.
- Hindering influences: Drinking alcohol the night before a planned workout, staying up late scrolling through your phone.
Don’t be formulaic. Don’t try to write down what the literature says or what your favorite blogger says. Write down what you’ve noticed about your own life.
Once you have these influences, start mapping them. Draw a circle in the middle of a page and write your goal inside it. Around the goal, create smaller circles for each of the influences you’ve listed. Use arrows to show how each influence connects to your goal. Use red arrows for hindering influences and black arrows for helpful ones. Make the lines thicker for stronger influences and thinner for weaker ones. Put an arrowhead on one end so you know the direction.
Step Three: Explore Bidirectional Relationships
For each influence, ask yourself if the relationship goes the other way. For example, if you hit the gym, does that make it more or less likely you will drink alcohol the next night? If there is no relationship, draw nothing. If it makes it less likely, draw a red arrow back in that direction. Continue this process for all the influences.
Now go further. Here’s where things get really interesting. Map out the relationships between the influences themselves! For instance, does setting a gym date with a friend also help you resist staying up late scrolling on your phone? Do late nights make alcohol consumption more or less likely? Draw connections between these influences, noting their strength and direction use the color and thickness of the arrows.
Step Four: Reflect on Your Network
Step back and look at your network of influences. What does it tell you? Are there small, overlooked changes that could make a big difference? Perhaps skipping that nightcap could ripple out, improving your sleep and making it easier to work out. Or maybe the most central influence is finding an accountability partner.
This network approach often give surprising insights. It helps you see how even minor habits interact with your larger goals, giving you a clearer picture of where to focus your energy.
Step Five: Take Action and Reassess
Once you’ve identified a key influence or two, shift your attention there. Yes, still keep your overall goal but now I have a new goal focused on what your life map tells you is important. As with all search things start small, use social support, avoid the trap of self-criticism, practice self-compassion but most important of all, test it out, and notice what happens. Over time, revisit your network and adjust as needed. You may discover new relationships or influences you hadn’t considered before.
A Tool to Help You Explore
If you’re intrigued by this process, you might enjoy a simple software program to make these networks easier to map. There is one created by the Institute for Better Health (IBH), a 45-year old charitable organization dedicated to improving mental and behavioral health. I’m President of IBH and this mapping tool is part of our effort to support personal growth and change. With as little as a dollar, you can access this web-based tool and begin mapping your goals and influences. Just go to patreon.com/Institute_for_Better_Health
When resolutions falter, it’s not a sign of failure—it’s an opportunity to learn, grow, and adapt. By exploring the unique web of factors that influence your goals, you can find paths to success that are tailored to you. Small, focused changes often have the biggest impact, and by staying curious and compassionate with yourself, you can make meaningful progress toward a richer, more fulfilling life.
Happy mapping—and may your resolutions lead to unexpected discoveries and lasting change.
