On some days, you are just not feeling it. You don’t want to do the thing that is on your to-do list, even though you know you can likely do it if you really try, and even though you know you will likely feel better afterwards. Still, everything inside you is shouting NO, and you only notice this strange, inner resistance. And so you don’t do the thing. You don’t make that doctor’s appointment. You don’t go to the gym. You don’t mail in that ballot.
Moments like these are quite common, and everyone experiences them; sometimes less, sometimes more. And there’s nothing wrong with occasionally procrastinating on tasks and putting off chores for later, because the consequences are often quite benign. However, when this becomes a pattern, and you frequently avoid taking action in important areas – whether it’s in your relationships, at work, with your health, or your role as a citizen – then you might inadvertently cause more harm than you intend.
Undone chores tend to get worse, and some opportunities may never come again, creating fertile ground for future regrets. And this can quickly turn into a cycle, where a lack of action leads to feelings of shame and regret, which – ironically – often act as a barrier for action, making you procrastinate even more, fueling future shame and regret, and so on. And even if you know all these things, you still might struggle putting in the work. But why is that? Why do we often act in ways that we know are unhelpful?
Why You Don’t Do What’s Good For You
There’s not one reason why you do the things you do, and this includes not doing anything at all. You might feel overwhelmed. You might feel as though your voice is unimportant. You might believe “nothing matters,” or you might think “this is too important to mess up.” The truth is, you are a complex person, this is a complex society, and there are a multitude of influencing factors in your life and the lives of others.
You and the other humans around you are NOT flawed or inherently broken. Instead, you and they are human. If inaction settles in you are having a common human experience. You just don’t want to do the things you “ought” to be doing. Try to bring some self-compassion to it and see if there are lessons inside it. You are far more likely to move yourself into needed action, when you treat yourself with kindness, respect, patience, and compassion; especially when you feel least deserving of those qualities.
What are these lessons? If you want to better understand how to get yourself into action more reliably, then your best bet is to watch your experience. You might want ask yourself:
Question #1 When in my life was I more willing to take action?
Question #2 What was different back then?
Question #3 And how can I recreate this context?
Depending on your answers, this may be easier or harder. Some things may seem easier to see and easier to recreate contexts that support you. Other’s are far more complex. If a seemingly small thing (getting proper sleep, or sending in a ballot) feels as difficult as far more complex things such as having fulfilling relationships, or finding empowering work see if you can dive in deeper. What is of importance? What is motivating you? How old is this resistance even in seemingly small areas? Often you will find that the small areas are symbolic of something much larger. You may have to pay attention to the influencing factors in your life that you’ve previously missed, and choose them – to the degree that you can – more consciously and more wisely. This is a matter of reflection & experimentation, and it might take some time. However, if you’re looking for more immediate results, then this next principle is for you.
How To Get Yourself Into Action
We commonly understand motivation in a linear way: you feel motivated to do something, and then you go do it. However, psychological research has found that the reverse can be equally true: you do something, and then you feel motivated to do it. First comes the action, then comes the feeling. Motivation itself can be quite fickle, and as much as we would like to control it – like any feeling – we really cannot. If it was that easy, rather than reading this article you would just flip a switch.
So, instead of waiting for motivation, you focus on the other part of the equation: taking action. At any time, you can make the conscious decision to act on what matters to you. And I know, I know: If it was that easy, we wouldn’t be sitting here. So instead of doing the hard part right away, here’s the principle:
“Do Something”
Do something. Literally anything. Make it small, and make it smaller still until you reach a point where you are willing to take action. Is it too hard to go for a 30 minute run? Then make it 10 minutes. Make it two. Make it ten seconds. Make it about opening the door. Make it about putting on the shoes. Even the smallest of action matters and can make a difference; even if it feels ridiculous. One small action may motivate you to take another. Or it may not. You will only know for sure when you take the first step.
Oftentimes, our mind gets in the way of us doing the things we care about, and we get stuck with difficult thoughts, struggle with unwanted feelings, find it hard to focus, lack direction, or perceive ourselves as incapable and unworthy. In these moments, one of the most effective ways to get unstuck is by returning to our body, and focusing on our sensual perceptions while we’re taking small steps in a meaningful direction. In other words, we do something, and we pay attention to what this feels like. And then we take another step, and focus on noticing yet again. Do something, small and gentle.
Deliberately creating a sense of agency and possibility is incremental – one step at a time. That is true personally and it is true socially.
